Listen at Joe’s – The Billboard Top 10 of 2012

So, here’s Joe’s brief review of the top 10 Songs of 2012 (Sticking to the yelp rules of no half stars and no zero stars allowed.):
1 – Gotye – Somebody That I Used to Know:  This song is totally whiny to me and lacks balls.  2/5 stars.

2 – Carly Rae Jepsen – Call Me Maybe:  She’s joined the brotherhood of people with three names, along with Lee Harvey Oswald and John Wilkes Booth.  This time, she’s assassinated my ears.  I hate this song.  It’s everything I can’t stand about pop music.  Probably my least favorite on the list.  I can’t get to #10 fast enough.  1/5 stars.
3 – Fun – We Are Young:  I actually don’t find this song audibly offensive, except that it’s overplayed like crazy and it gets old FAST.  It’s very 2 dimensional.  2/5 stars.
4 – Maroon 5 – Payphone:  Man.  Maroon 5 used to be pretty awesome.  Now they’re just crashing and burning.  2/5 stars.
5 – Ellie Goulding – Lights:  Again, pretty typical pop stuff.  Not as bad as “Call Me Maybe.”  She’s kind of hot.  2/5 stars.
6 – The Wanted – Glad You Came:  What do I hate more than an American boy band?  An English boy band.  You may be glad I came, but please stay on your side of the Atlantic.  1/5 stars.
7 – Kelly Clarkson – What Doesn’t Kill You:  Meh.  Sounds like all the other songs on this list.  But hey, DFW represent!  And she’s also pretty hot.  2/5 stars.
8 – Rihanna – We Found Love:  No thanks.  I’ll pass.  If I had a dime for each time she repeats “we fell in love in a hopeless place” I’d be a millionaire.  In fact, I think that’s why she’s a millionaire.  I’ll bet that’s in her contract.*  Obnoxious.  1/5 stars.
9 – Nicki Minaj – Starships:  This song is friggin’ noise with shitty lyrics.  It has no redeeming qualities.  Just shoot me.  1/5 stars.  Enough said.  (If you can’t identify the instruments, they probably aren’t real.)
10 – One Direction – What Makes You Beautiful:  Another boy band from across the Atlantic.  Didn’t Enrique Iglesias do this song two years ago anyway?  1/5 stars.
In case you’re wondering, the first song on the Billboard 100 from this year that I can stomach (i.e. – 3/5 stars) is probably LMFAO’s “Sexy and I Know It.” And up to #69 (Coldplay – Paradise) until I find a song I actually find “iPod worthy.”  I know the Billboard 100 certainly doesn’t make it easy to see this, but please note that Coldplay ACTUALLY makes albums.
* – I’m fully expecting to get a legal notice requesting royalties for using the phrase “we fell in love in a hopeless place” in this blog posting.

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